Cupboards

or an imperfect guide on vulnerability

“Wow, there’s so much storage in here!”

They continue to walk through my large-for-an-apartment kitchen, opening cupboards and peeking inside. Stunned, I nod with my mouth slightly agape. When I invited my new couple friends over to my apartment for drinks and dessert I didn’t expect their self-guided tour. We had gone out together before, but I wouldn’t consider us close. At least not close enough to encourage them to look through my mismatched cookware and dishes. I liked to keep my cupboard doors closed, only the pretty things out on display, and these new friends were stretching me.

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Six years and two states later, my husband and I are designing our modest fixer-upper first home. Like almost all twenty-somethings in the era of Chip & Jo, my dreams were above our time and budget allowance. We have the manpower to rip out a wall of old upper cabinetry above the sink, however, installing trendy open shelving took a backseat to other, more important projects (such as waterproofing the basement). While scraping play-dough off the newly refinished flooring I gaze up at the area above the sink, dreaming of matching whiteware and draping greenery. Until I read an article online critiquing Joanna’s signature style. Why would you want open shelving? The author scorns. Does anyone really want to do all that extra dusting?

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Another six years later we are in the same house. We never put up the open shelving and we still use our mismatched plates and bowls, nestled behind closed cabinet doors. The open space feels like a breath of fresh air.

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Cabinet: a case or cupboard usually having doors and shelves

a kitchen cabinet

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I used to think my emotions and struggles were safer behind my bedroom door. I suppose it was some combination of embarrassment and not wanting to cause a problem for others. In college, I embraced the ‘let it all hang out’ vibe, and my group of friends and I frequently laughed at our lack of “TMI”. Now, as a semi-grown adult, I wonder where the balance lies between oversharing and not letting anyone in.

Have you ever scrolled through social media and thought, “well, I wish I hadn’t seen that” or worried about someone who has no problem venting their frustrations and anger to the wide world of Facebook, yet always answers “I’m fine” when you ask? (maybe that’s you?)

As I think about others this year, I am working on being attuned to the audience and appropriateness of my response. My children are not the right audience to share feelings of inadequacy in career or childraising. They only need to know of my love for them (and receive apologies when I fall short). My husband can help me work through these emotions and struggles. My entire friend group doesn’t need to know if I’ve had a big fight with my husband, but I can share with a close friend who will pray for us and point us to Jesus during the reconciliation process. While I want life to be straightforward cut-and-dry share everything or share nothing scenario, I can’t ignore the others God has placed in my life as his hands and feet. I have failed many times and asked for forgiveness from those I’ve been too open or too closed with. With God, the only option is open shelving. He knows it all anyway, so I may as well get up there with a dusting mitt and ask for his counsel. And he promises to help me discern the audience and appropriateness if I ask.

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Which do you lean toward - open shelving or cupboards (in decorating and in life)?

[[Romans 12]]

A note: I do have interviews with Others for you. However, life has been more full and I want to treat others’ stories with the care and respect deserved. I hope to post the first one in the next few weeks.

Roughly halfway through the renovation process.