The Lilacs*
others who know a bit about God's plans
If you enter into a conversation with the Lilacs tomorrow, you will probably walk away feeling safe, known, and encouraged. I know, because this is how I feel whenever I encounter them. They are welcoming, friendly, and the OG “authentic” couple. But the reason I want to tell you a little of their story this month is because God’s work on the two of them individually shines beautifully in how they support one another in faith now. Blue says it best, “[Faith] is the heart of our relationship. I love her because God loves me. My faith is the single most important thing to me as an individual. It empowers me to love her so much more deeply.”
Red is a third-generation church worker. “I was in church every Sunday, most Wednesdays, every VBS (vacation Bible school) day, and logged a lot more volunteer hours than most students my age. The great thing about my parents is that they are such servants that helping out was normal, not annoying, or something that was viewed as taking away from whatever I wanted to be doing. I cleaned candle wax off of pews after Christmas Eve service, painted, laid tile, ran electrical wire through classrooms as the church's grade school was being built, and taught Sunday school and VBS fairly regularly. It was normal, not special. I didn't even know what a servant-leader was until college, where I realized my parents, grandparents, and DCE were the best examples I knew.” However, when it came to personal faith, Red does not remember strong female leaders. “I almost felt like I had to develop [my faith] in secret, and had to look flawless on the outside.”
Blue did not have church-going parents. “I was never discouraged from forming my own opinion about my faith, but I wasn't encouraged to explore it either.” Sometime in young adulthood Blue hit rock bottom. As he started to get back on his feet, he sporadically attended a church. One day he noticed a new sign reading, IF GOD WAS REAL, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK HIM? “The phrasing got my attention. Why would a church have a sign that said ‘IF GOD WAS REAL?’ Weren't they supposed to help me understand how real he was?” The sign turned out to be an invitation to attend The Alpha Course, put together by a man named Nicky Gumbel who wanted to prove that God was a myth but ended up strengthening his faith.
Blue remembers clearly, “Somewhere during one of the classes, Gumbel explored Christ dying for our sins. He explained ‘If you had been the only person in the world, Jesus would have died for you.’ For whatever reason, hearing that statement at that time really resonated with me. I honestly believe that was the day I became a Christian.”
A coworker invited Blue to a Lutheran church sometime later, where Blue found people who truly helped him build his relationship with God. Did I mention that Red grew up in a Lutheran church? Oh - but that’s not how they met!
Blue worked as the assignment editor for Baseball Digest online and he needed to interview a blogger dedicated to the Cardinals. He found the platform Cardinal Diamond Diaries…Red’s collaborative blog. Red shared, “True confession - The other two women that wrote with me wanted nothing to do with the interview. The whole concept scared them. I was the single one with nothing but free time, so sure! Let's chat! I don't think that either of us thought anything of it until my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Blue was there for me through that time as a friend, and things grew from there.”
Their shared love of baseball brought them together, but hardship is where their relationship blossomed. Eventually things got serious and they both moved, now living only about an hour apart. Their engagement raised alarm from concerned family and friends. They came from very different backgrounds. But Red and Blue were committed to the Lord and one another. Blue remembers, “I would drive to see her on the weekends. Sunday afternoons including meeting with the pastors for a one-on-one adult confirmation class. Red was always right by my side through those classes. It led to some great conversations and she was always willing to answer the hard questions. Confirmation classes ended and became counseling for our upcoming wedding.”
Red has conflicted memories of the engagement time. “Supporting each other has always been easy... There was some concern from people on the outside looking in.” But, like Blue, she believes that their diverse backgrounds are one of their biggest strengths. “His different faith life (not being Lutheran when we met) made for such rich conversations for us, strengthening both of our faith lives tremendously. The friends that supported us and stood by us through our dating/engagement were treasured.”
The Lilacs are pillars in their community, welcoming newcomers, coaching sports, volunteering when they can. Red goes out of her way to provide a wealth of female mentors to her freshman girls class, fulfilling the lack she experienced as a young woman. Blue attributes their success to some great advice and exercises from premarital counseling, “ensuring that we remained individuals as our relationship also grew together. [the exercise] solidified a theme of supporting one another through all we do individually and together.”
Red insists, “Finding someone who is committed to your life - work, interests, joys, etc. - is a treasure that cannot be traded. Blue’s support of the things I do in life is second to none, from teaching and coaching and all the extra time spent caring for my students to trying to get time to exercise. Before we were married, he was already showing up to my students' sporting events with me, being okay volunteering to chaperone events on campus, and pitching in whenever he could help. He has been a guest speaker for multiple classes, shared words of encouragement with students, and been willing to open our home to students who have needed some extra TLC.”
I asked Blue and Red to share a final thought, a takeaway if you will. Here’s what they shared:
“Maybe the hardest lesson I've ever learned - Trust God. He works through all of us in such different ways and brings people through different life paths to ensure that His will is done. It is so easy to get caught up in our own sinful, selfish ways and want more. It's so easy to judge others for a different background. But when we stop, listen and trust God's plan for everyone, not just ourselves, life gets much easier and less burdensome. At my lowest point in my life, many people told me to "let go and let God" and I just didn't understand or know how to do that. It is so powerful once you get there, though.”
“It's intentional. Whatever you do, whatever you want your faith life or your life in general to be, you have to be intentional. It makes so much of the rest of your life fall into place. God loves to reveal Himself in unexpected ways, sometimes years after various events happen. Trusting God and being intentional about our faith has led to so many of these revelations, and I cannot wait to see what He reveals next. That's why Proverbs 16:9 will always be my favorite verse.”
*If it isn’t obvious, I changed the names to protect their privacy.